I don't feel sick, just tired all the time. No, not tired: weary. I feel weary. I have no energy, no enthusiasm, no motivation-- I'm not feeling much of anything, to tell the truth, and I don't know why. I've been going to bed early, so it's not from lack of sleep. And there is nothing specifically wrong in my life. It's just me.

I had some time-- hours of time-- on Wednesday that I had planned to spend writing. That should have made me happy, but when I sat down to do so it was with the attitude that I might as well since I had nothing else to do. I soon found that I had nothing to write, either. My mind was a complete blank. After half an hour of writing the same sentence over and over, then deleting it one character at a time, I gave up and went to the mall to hang out with the other, soulless people who had nothing better to do.

I was looking for something specific: a sports bra. Since the mall has a large sporting goods store, I thought it wouldn't be too challenging. Ha! You can buy a saddle at Sports Zone, or compression shorts, or rock-climbing harnesses, or teensy, flimsy lycra numbers to do your aerobics class in, or everything you need to scuba, but it seems sports bras are out of the question. So, I went to Women's Secret, which sells all sorts of lingerie. You can buy a bikini there, or a lacy little number, or maybe something from their Basic Range (guaranteed not to show under clothing), but nothing resembling sports bra. The "Secret" seems to be how much it will cost you: I couldn't find a price tag on anything I looked at.

I looked at some other lingerie stores, and one or two athletic stores (which sell mostly shoes), but they didn't seem to carry them, either. In the end, I ended up buying shoes in a fit of pique. If all else fails, you can always buy shoes. These are sensible shoes, tan for summer, with flat heels that should make it easy to walk on the calçada.

The fact that I'm PROUD of buying sensible shoes and that, furthermore, I bought them to cheer myself up, depresses me more than I can say.

Elvis was not impressed. "They're nice if you like that sort of thing, I suppose," he said. He'll change his mind when we can walk quickly to the pub, and he doesn't have to slow down so I can keep up with him.

I'll get a lot of wear out of them, nonetheless, especially since it's gotten way too warm for my Dr. Martens. And they were a good deal; not expensive at all. One of the two pairs is a basic loafer-- driving moccasins with rubber soles covered in nubbly bits. They're comfy and versatile and I don't have anything else like them. I do have trainers, but I don't really wear them all that often. I know a lot of people who live in athletic shoes (Elvis is one of them), but they tend to make my feet hot. Also, I suppose, it's not really my "style": in the winter I wear boots; in the summer I wear sandals, or maybe shoes if it's a bit colder or rainy.

Actually, I have seen a pair of Adidas advertised on MTV lately. They're called ClimaCool, and are black and made of mesh so your feet stay, well, cool. I would wear those, even outside the gym. In fact, I'll have to keep my eyes open because things are getting quite sweaty at the gym and it's only April. They probably don't sell them in Portugal, though, at least not the model I like. Or maybe they only make the ones I like for men. Pessimistic, I know, but if I have no expectations of finding them then I won't be disappointed when I don't. But I digress.

The other pair are really beautiful shoes, made in Italy, with über-points, so all is not lost. With practice I've gotten a lot better at negotiating the pavements with my blue über-points. Calçada is much easier to walk on in those than the cobblestones are, probably because the individual rocks are much smaller. (If it rains, though, you've had it-- calçada is in it's own range of slipperyness.) At any rate, the new ones are brownish-bronzish and reminded me of the blue ones, which I still love, so I'm sure I'll be loving these, too.

Even if they don't have high heels, or much of a heel at all. Sensible, yet snazzy-- it's a good thing for Cascais.

But now it's time for me to head for the gym. That's one thing that I've been motivating myself to do, at least.