Lunch cost 32 Euros, and it was good. But was it 32 Euros worth? Hell no. They started off serving us jasmine tea, possibly in a vain attempt to dent our wine consumption. There was a small spring roll each, a wonton each, and a small bowl of soup each. The main part of the meal was five different dishes. We had fourteen at our table, and those plates were sparkling clean in minutes. It looked like a passing plague of locusts had been through. We even ate the garnishes. We were hoping for seconds, maybe, but no such luck. Consequently, we left the restaurant starving, unlike the usual Chinese Restaurant experience of being too stuffed to finish anything on the table, never mind dessert. Dessert, in this case, was mango mousse. I wanted to eat it, because I was still hungry, but it just didn't thrill me, so I choked down half. There was plenty of that to go around, because hardly anybody liked it, not to mention the people that didn't try it in the first place because they don't care for mango.

Then there was the nonsense of the bill. Of course, they tried to overcharge us and the man that we had arranged everything with was on vacation. That got straightened out, though, since we had it in writing. I don't think they expected that.

Oh, and the nonsense of the checks. Seems they changed the name of the business (although not of the restaurant) at the beginning of the year. I would imagine they changed banks as well, probably to something offshore. Not that I know for certain, mind you, but it really wouldn't surprise me. All of which is well and good, but they didn't bother to tell us about that wrinkle until we were actually paying, and by that time the ladies with kiddies to pick up from school had already left. Since we had everybody pay in advance, a lot of the women who had written checks hadn't bothered to bring their checkbooks with them. The bank, they said, wouldn't accept checks in the old name. (Probably because it's a different bank!) Since this was a new thing, I asked, I'm sure the old account is still open to wind it down, so why not run those checks through that account? Uh, no, can't do that. (Gotta hide every last bit from the taxman, I imagine.) Finally, one of the ladies agreed to pay for those checks on credit card, and have the women involved write a replacement check to her directly. What a farce.

I really can't see myself eating there again. Some of the women who had eaten there in the past said that they had raised the prices even higher since the last time they'd been. I didn't even look at the menu. If we ever want special occasion Asian, we'll go to the Thai in Cascais, where at least you get value for your money.

I've become hopelessly addicted to the News of the World, which is a British Sunday tabloid devoted to sex, celebrity gossip and football, roughly in that order. A dream story for them would probably be something like David Beckham caught cheating on Posh with both of the girls from tAtU. With exclusive pictures! They also have a pictoral advice column which is pretty fun, especially when it involves a female employee getting it on with her female boss.

It's perfect Sunday reading fare. Absolutely no brains required, and my traditional Sunday fried breakfast and pint down at the pub without it would be unthinkable these days. Although they've started taking it away from me once we start playing darts, as it keeps me from concentrating on the game.

For the last two weeks they've had the SEX LIST 2003-- Special Pull-out Section. This consists of varioius sexy celebs of some sort, frequently topless, at the very least in racy lingerie. Female, of course, although in deference to their women readers, they did include at top ten list of male soap-stars. Small pics. Head shots only, and of course, no racy poses or teensy speedos. Unfair.

Still, it was great fun because it included quotes, most of which were absolutely hilarious. My favorite went something like this: 'I'm like a Chinese meal in bed-- Once you've had me, after an hour you'll want me again.'