Note: all statistics pertain to Dilettante unless stated otherwise.

Hours from apartment to check-out counter at Malpensa: 1.

Hours required to fly from Malpensa to O'Hare: 9.5.

Hours slept on plane: 3.

Brothers married: 1.

New sisters-in-law: 1.

Suspected future brothers-in-law: 1.

Brew-pubs visited in Milwaukee: 2.

Irish pubs visited in Milwaukee: 3.

Of these, Irish pubs partially owned by father: 1.

Members of family who informed Dilettante that Grandma has, in the past, referred to said pub as a "gin joint": 2.

Percentage probability that Grandma has, in her day, enjoyed the not too occasional gin herself: 100.

Percentage of Grandma's side of the family born in the Irish county referenced in the name of said pub: 0.

Gins consumed in said pub: 0.

Minimum number of pints of Guiness consumed in said pub: 4.

Items of clothing gynecologist allows patients to remove before stepping on scale: 0.

Days required for breast "tenderness" to subside after mammogram: 3.

Number of "historic" trolleys required to take wedding party to a cold, windy park overlooking Lake Michigan for photos: 1.

Number of times trolley slammed on brakes, catapulting Dilettante into the wooden bench in front of her and severly bruising her upper arm: 1.

Number of photos that had to be re-taken due to the bridesmaids' failure to remove their jackets: 1.

Number of groomsmen who shouted "our wedding party is bigger than yours" at the hapless bridal couple shivering along the lakeshore path while being trailed by their own photographer: 1.

Bottles of champagne consumed on trolley by wedding party: 6.

Cans of beer: unknown.

Other than wedding festivities, number of nights out with sister and boyfriend: 2.

Live bands seen: 1.

Number of CDs by the above band purchased: 1.

Number of tracks on above CD featuring the "Angel of Death": 0.

Percentage probablity that the "Angel of Death" is sleeping with at least one member of above band: 100.

Baseball games attended at the new and indescribably wonderful Miller Park: 1.

Number of inches tailor was off in hemming Dilettante's new tuxedo evening suit: 3.

Number of pant legs altered by Dilettante in hotel room with magical hemming tape purchased at Drug Emporium because it seemed like a useful thing to have around: 2.

Number of pant leg hems drooping at reception, despite mildly energetic dancing: 0.

Number of mornings in Milwaukee in which Kringle was consumed for breakfast: 6.

Number of Cajun meals eaten in Milwaukee: 1.

Number of Cajun meals eaten in Memphis: 0.

Barbeque meals in Memphis: 1.

Dinners consumed at the Catfish Corner (or similar): 2.

Catfish filets consumed: 2.

Catfish filets consumed by Elvis: 5.

Beers consumed at BB King's bar on Beale Street: 4.

Percentage probability that bartender was a Packer fan: 100.

Number of nieces taken out for ice cream: 2.

Scoops of ice cream ordered by nieces (each): 3.

Average scoops of ice cream actually consumed by nieces (each): 1.2.

Number of scoops of turquoise ordered by nieces: 1.

Percentage of turquoise ice cream consumed (allowing for meltage): 100.

Nieces returned to parents with bright blue lips and tongue: 1.

Percentage of nieces who thought fruity turquoise ice cream went perfectly fine with double chocolate fudge: 100.

Percentage of adults who thought the same: 0.

Cups of risotto made in Memphis by Dilettante for family: 9.

Cups remaining after meal: 1.5.

Steaks remaining after meal: 0.

Games of darts played with in-laws: 4.

Total games of golf played by Elvis: 3.

Total played by Dilettante: 0.

Traditional trips to Mars Cheese Castle: 0.
.....I'm still sad about that one, and the next.

Number of cheese curds purchased: 0.

Pairs of Levis purchased: 3.

Number of Dockers purchased by Elvis: 4.

Bratwurst consumed: 2.

Bottles of red wine consumed: 1.5.

Gallons of beer consumed: unknown.

Pounds gained: unknown.

Number of days required before stepping on a scale is likely to be contemplated: 100.

Number of minutes slept on return flight: 30.

Hours between landing at Malpensa and arriving at apartment: 3.