Man, I just screwed up that analogy, didn't I? Or would that be a simile? Both, I suppose, although simile is probably more accurate. Or possibly neither.

You know, my brain is bound to wake up sooner or later.

Anyway, the deal with this cat litter is that it's made of silica. It doesn't clump like the stuff I used to get. It just soaks up all the liquids, you scoop out the solids, and you change the litter once a month. Not only that, but it does not smell. At all. Actually, the first boxful got a bit whiffy towards the end, but that's because I forgot to change it when the month was up and didn't get around to it for six weeks or so. Still, that's over five weeks with no odor. Amazing. And no tracking, or hardly any! And it's light! An entire month's worth weighs less than a standard bag of catfood, which to a carless woman such as myself, is a real delight.

The only problem was that, while Calliope was perfectly happy to pee in the pellets, she pretty much refused to poop in them as well. Instead, she'd shit directly onto the bathtub (right next to her gigantic box that resides IN the bathtub). Still, there was no smelling (other than the shit itself), no scooping, and bathtubs are easy enough to clean, so I duly picked up the poop with a double layer of paper towels and cleaned up any residual with some bleachy bathroom cleaner.

When things started smelling, and I realized that it was high time I changed the litter, I bought the same stuff, only a different brand. The first stuff was made up of jagged little pellets. The current litter is made up of smaller, evenly sized, smooth and round pellets. I figured it would be easier on her little paws.

Yes, Calliope is spoiled. Why do you ask?

She loves that new litter. You can hear her in there at all hours of the day and night, digging her little heart out.

Problem is, she's figured out that, seeing as it is so light, she can really really get some height into it. Her box is as tall as she is, due to her lamentable habit of letting her ass rise up into the air while she's peeing so she pisses right over the top of her box. Which, by the way, she no longer does since I've started using this litter. (And if I've just jinxed it, I swear I'll shoot myself.) So you can hear her-- dig, dig, dig, followed by the sound of the litter pearls hitting the bathtub and bouncing like crazy. The first time it happened, I thought she'd knocked over a box of loose beads until I realized that I don't own a box of beads, loose or otherwise, and that the only beads that I do have are in rosary form.

Calliope playing with a rosary is a very different sound. Believe me.

But, seeing as she has actually started pooping in her box again, I can deal with it. I just pull out the little whisk broom and dustpan set I have and sweep up as much of it as I can. Which is kind of difficult, since the bottom of the bathtub is curved and the bottom of the dustpan is not, but I just do the best I can, and dump whatever pearls are rescued back into her litter box.

But she's getting better at the slinging. Honestly, she's getting some amazing trajectories out of that litter, and now she's managing to loft it outside of the bathtub. Which is easier to sweep up, although I've discovered that when you step on it with your shoes on, it makes an annoying sound and grates down into powder. But, hey, no smell and no bodily functions outside of her litter box, so I can deal.

The other night, while I was trying to fall asleep, I could hear her out in the hall, playing marbles. Except of course, it just sounded like she was playing marbles, since I don't own any. Even if I did, Calliope couldn't play marbles anyway because she is completely devoid of opposable thumbs.

It's really quite amazing just how much noise that litter makes on our fake-wood vinal flooring.

This morning, I walked into Calliope's bathroom and the floor was covered with litter pellets. Which I didn't see, since it was ridiculous o'clock and my eyes weren't fully open yet. I soon discovered that when you step on them with your slippers on, they don't grind down to powder the way they do when you're wearing shoes. No, they do something far better because not only do they sound like marbles, they perform like marbles when you step into an entire room full of them. Shortly after that, I hit a new low. Literally. (Get it? Hey, it's early and I'm easily amused by bad puns. Sue me.)

The good news is that I didn't hit my head. The bad news is that I'm going to have a very large and not very attractive bruise on my ass. I'm used to stuff like that, though. I've never, ever claimed to be coordinated.

Whatever. I'm still liking the litter, and I'm not going to switch back to the clumping stuff. I'm just hoping that Calliope gets bored with it sometime in the not too distant future, and leaves it in her box where it belongs.

With that fine start to the day, I'm off to the gym.