I, for one, am concerned for the safety of our turkey.

We aren't having our Thanksgiving Feast until Saturday, because the unenlightened Portuguese, although very nice people, do not have a Thanksgiving of their very own and therefore balk at giving Elvis and the crew the day off. Unless they want to blow a vacation day, that is, and they do not. Funny, we had the same problem with the Italians. And the Germans, and the Turks, and... No matter: to us, Thanksgiving is now officially Saturday.

And today, of course, because this year we've been invited to somebody else's Thanksgiving for a change, which is nice. It doesn't start until half past eight, though, which doesn't really scream Thanksgiving to me. I'm all about drinking and grazing for a couple hours, eating at around three or four or whenever the turkey decides it's ready, then repeating step one until everybody passes out or someone explodes. Often, this occurs at the same time. Oh, all right. Not really.

Back to the turkey. This year's is 10 kg (22 pounds). Last years was a bit bigger, so the pan is not the problem. The size of the oven isn't a problem either (and believe me, it has been in the past). It's the oven itself, which, incidentally, I have yet to cook a turkey in. The problem is that both the top and the bottom of the oven heat up, and I think the top is doing more than it's fair share of the heating.

I just made two loaves of cornbread for the dressing. (Dressing, because there is no way I'd stuff a bird that big. It's just asking for trouble, if you ask me. Also, I like to eat the same day I start the cooking. Digressing again, aren't I?) The tops, instead of being a nice golden brown, are burnt black. As in carbon. Way overdone, in other, polite, words.

The bread underneath is fine. It is not, to my amazement, overcooked or dried out or burnt in any way. So it's not a complete loss on the cornbread front, I can just cut the tops off and proceed from there.

On the other hand, one does not want to serve an actual turkey that looks like you've taken a blowtorch to it, does one? And somehow or other, I'm pretty sure that the breast meat will not fare so well as the cornbread did. I mean, we're talking half an inch of charcoal here. (Just under two centimeters for you metricized folks.)

And my pies. Oh my God, now that I think about it, my pies are in danger, too, aren't they?

Gratin�e, on the other hand, should be a snap.

Shame I'm not planning to gratin�e anything. Maybe I'll have to see if I can come up with something.

Right, (so I'm thinking on the screen here), I still need two more loaves of cornbread. I'll try tenting with foil, and possibly leaving the broiler pan in. But if I go the broiler pan route, will there be room for the turkey?

Or will I end up with fourteen disgruntled diners?

To those of you celebrating Thanksgiving today, I hope your turkeys are perfectly cooked, and that you and your friends and family are perfectly content. Watch a football game for me.

As for me, I'm off to eat someone else's turkey. Football, sadly, is out of the question. I'm hoping to console myself with pumpkin pie.

Wow. Two Thanksgivings.

It's a good thing I like turkey.