I've come to the conclusion that I'm repressed.

Let me explain. This morning is the BV meeting. Also this morning is my yoga class.

I skip yoga a lot, due to BV activities. Yoga is something I do for myself, and I've missed it a lot lately, what with the plumbers, and other BV shit and so forth. This morning I planned to skip the BV monthly meeting and go to yoga.

I need to go to yoga.

Other women on the Board miss BV all the time. I never do. And it's not like they're paying me. By definition, volunteer means you don't get paid. Which is fine. So I figured, not much going on, BV can do without me sitting at the table and schmoozing or whatever for one month.

Except I have to go if only to drop off this month's newsletters, next month's newsletters and the sign-up sheets I got lumbered with because no one was willing to take them. Solution: go early, drop off my stuff, go to yoga. And, as an added bonus, I could return for the last few minutes of the BV meeting, just in case anything came up.

But. (And there's always a but, isn't there?)

But, Our Benevolent Dictator will not be there. But, we still don't have a Treasurer for next year, and as the Dictator-in-Waiting, I really ought to put the screws on. But, I missed the last two Board meetings (although the last was due to plumbers, who I wouldn't have scheduled for that week had someone informed me when the Bd meeting was scheduled), and I don't know what the hell they've got up to, but I think that it involves spending every penny in the AIM account, because half of them are leaving the country this summer and what the hell do they care? Which, of course, needs to be nipped in the bud, because I do care, even if odds are I won't be here for all of next year either.

In summary, I came down with a severe case of the guilts.

So I just called Yvette and cancelled my spot at yoga. And now I feel guilty about that, because what if the class was full, and someone could have gone in my place but now is missing out?

Really, what's wrong with me? I want to go to yoga for God's sake. I'm not planning to spend the morning at Café Guido, knocking back espressos laced with grappa.

Although, to be perfectly honest, that last idea is starting to sound better and better, despite that fact that grappa is a generally bad idea at any time of the day.

And then I start thinking-- what if I cancelled yoga in favor of BV not out of a sense of duty, but hubris? Is my massive ego telling me that the can't possibly live without me for one morning? Do I even have a massive ego? Well, maybe.

Always remember: No one is irreplaceable.

Which is right up there with "all work and no play makes Dilettante a dull girl" and "wear clean underwear."

Two out of three ain't bad, I suppose.

So, all right, I'll go to the damn BV meeting.

But I'm gonna arrive late.

So there.