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What do you do when even your clothing is malfunctioning?
Wednesday, Apr. 28, 2004 @ 8:15 pm

Friday night out with Nigel ended just as I suspected it would-- hanging around the train station at a quarter past five in the morning, waiting on the first train into Lisbon. Before that was the usual pub, another pub and Late Night Bar of Evil. Granted, the night could have ended being slung out of the LNBOE at 5:30 am, and Nigel can make his own way to the station whilst we trudge up the hill to our beds. Mr. Evil booted us out somewhat earlier than that, though (guess the neighbors have been complaining again), so we set out on a fruitless quest for coffee.

I've often said that what Cascais needs is a Denny's, or a Waffle House, or something. Someplace where you can get a cup of coffee, eggs and bacon, pancakes or a waffle, after the bars close. Maybe a burger. And hash browns: hash browns are very important. I'd open one myself if we were likely to be living here on a more permanent basis. Even so, I always figured there must be some place where you could at least get coffee, given the justifiable Portuguese love for the stuff. Maybe not at 4 am, but surely by 5:00?

Alas, the answer is no. We asked the taxi drivers hanging around outside the train station and everything. How said drivers manage to be all hyped up and jittery at that hour, I have no idea. I suppose they bring it in thermoses from home.

Saturday was marked by much sleeping, followed by the usual Saturday night out. We made it unsusual, though, by leaving the LNBOE and heading home at 3:00 am.

3:00 am? I didn't know it was possible. Really. We left because it was too crowded and we just weren't up for it. The Artista was amazed, reminding me on Sunday that crowded is GOOD because you cannot possibly manage to fall down, no matter which fat-assed drunk slams into you. The crowd holds you up, away from the beer-soaked floor. This is all true, which can only mean that Elvis and I have prematurely entered the ranks of the old and boring. What it truly sad about all this is that I just can't manage to care at the moment.

In any case, things didn't start to go pear-shaped until Sunday. My beloved cell phone decided to stop working for no reason whatsoever. It just turned itself off and refuses to turn itself back on. I was, and continue to be, devastated.

That little bit of joy was followed by sucking at the pub quiz, sucking at darts, and staying out too late. Monday morning, I awoke to find my eye gunked shut. Again. Even though it had seemed to be pretty much cleared up by Saturday. I sat down at my computer-- to write an entry, oddly enough-- and the damn thing went batshit on me: seizing up, bizarre error messages, multiple blue screens of death, the whole shebang. I wrestled with it for a while, until I realized that I was going to be late for yoga.

I seriously considered skipping yoga, despite that fact that at little peace and serenity was exactly what my life was missing at that point. But then I realized that my instructors mobile number, the phone number of the studio, and the home and mobile numbers of my yoga-buddy were all trapped in my stubbornly busted phone. So I busted my ass and arrived only five minutes late. Which is nothing, really, especially since my yoga-buddy had been out until 6:00 am and wasn't feeling too hot himself.

And I did manage to find a bit of peace and serenity. And I was able to do crow pose for the first time ever! Of course, when I attempted to do it the second time I fell flat on my face, but that was OK! I do that all the time. I'm used to it.

I returned home refreshed and ready to tackle anything. Summer arrived on Saturday, so I figured I would put on a pair of shorts and see about the computer and what I needed to do to get my phone fixed. So I put on a clean tee shirt and slipped on my favorite pair of shorts and... the zipper refused to zip. Oh, the little metal thingy would slide up and down, but it was having no affect on the actual zipper. My fly remained resolutely gaping wide open, no matter what I did.

It's a sad, sad day when even your clothing doesn't work right.

In the end, I put on another, less favorite pair of shorts. I watched an episode of EastEnders on the VCR whilst I ate my (now extrememly late) lunch. And then I sat out on the balcony in the sunshine with a pile of books and did some research. Which wasn't the most important thing I needed to do by any means, but it did save my sanity.

To be continued.

Author's note: My internet connection seems to be down, yet again, and I am running late. I'll try and post this before I leave. If not, I'll do it when I get back, tomorrow morning, or whenever the damn thing decides to come back.


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