I think I'll write about something else before I depress myself.

I finally got my peking duck on Friday, although it was a close thing there for a while. By the time we got to the restaurant, they had long since closed for the afternoon, and wouldn't be opening up again until 6:30. This is a shockingly early time to eat in Portugal, but not if you haven't had lunch, and we hadn't. 6:30 was an hour and fifteen minutes away, and I figured we could wait: Elvis did not.

In the end, we hung out in the square waiting for it to open. I was willing to put it off again, but Elvis insisted, even though he wasn't terribly happy about it. In the end though, he agreed it was worth the wait.

Best Damn Peking Duck. Ever.

After that, all happy and stuffed with duck, we went to the pub. A bunch of our friends were already there, so we chatted and drank and played some darts. I got a lot of shit about my "fan", which they think is funny albeit kind of creepy-- even the guys. After a while, Warrior Woman announced she had a confession to make.

A bit of background:

Last weekend, Ass Grabbing Guy showed up at the pub. He's not usually at the pub-- or at our pub, in any case. It's clear, however, that he does his drinking somewhere, because he does go to the Late Night Bar of Evil, and he always shows up drunk, or at least we think he is. He never talks to anyone, just stands around and drinks and stares at women. Eventually, he sidles up to one, getting wa-ay too close. The woman thinks, well, it is crowded in here, and maybe I'm just imagining it. So she says nothing, just shifts away. He sidles closer. The woman starts to feel very uncomfortable, and looks around for rescue. She doesn't want to make a scene, necessarily: the LNBOE is, after all, a very crowded place and full of, if not drunks, some extremely merry people. It's about this time that AGG will grab her ass. Hard. With BOTH hands, because if a job's worth doing, it's worth right, isn't it?

As you might have guessed, he's done it to me. Twice, unfortunately. The second time it wasn't very crowded and he was getting desperate or something, because I didn't even see him coming. I had been keeping an eye on him, and one minute he's safely ensconced on the other side of the bar, and the next he's grabbing my ass.

It's happened to Lady Jane, too, but only, of course, the once. It was enough. It's really not a good idea to mess with Lady Jane.

Which explains why, as soon as Ass Grabbing Guy makes his grab, he gets immediately chucked out of the bar by Lady Jane, a bouncer, or Mr. Evil himself-- whoever happens to be closest. Which probably also explains why he's so emphatic with his ass-grabbing technique: if you only get one grope, better make it a good one.

The first time he grabbed my ass, I whirled around and yelled something to the effect of "What the FUCK do you think you're doing you twerpy little pervert", only I didn't get to finish my tirade because Mr Evil had his arm around AGG's neck and was hauling him toward the door before I had a chance to utter another word. I have no idea how he got there so fast. Maybe he jumped over the bar or something. AGG, for his part, didn't put up a struggle at all. Very docile, he was. Then again, he's used to it.

Anyway, last weekend, we arrive at the pub, and there he is on the other side, staring at me and Warrior Woman. WW hasn't been here long, and has never seen AGG, much less had her ass grabbed by him. So I gave her a friendly warning. Headmistress wandered over and asked what we were talking about. I looked meaningfully across the bar.

"Oh, yeah," she said. "Ass Grabbing Guy. Better steer clear of him."

That same night, we left the LNBOE reasonably early, although WW and a few others stayed on. Eventually, WW decided it was time to go. A friend was walking her home, but decided he needed to go before he left, so to speak, so she decided to wait for him outside. She stepped out the door and, lo and behold, what did she see?

Ms Evil-Wannabe and Ass Grabbing Guy, making out in the street outside the LNBOE, that's what.

WW had met Ms E-W only once, the week before, and had concluded that-- sweet as she is-- she is not the shiniest tile in the disco ball, and that she is pretty dang naive to boot. So she acted quickly, shoving the two of them apart, pushing Ms Evil-Wannabe into the LNBOE ahead of her, and possibly yelling "And don't even think about coming back" at Ass Grabbing Guy.

Or maybe not, although after hearing the story, I wouldn't put it past her. Warrior Woman!

So she tells us this story on Friday night, and she's genuinely concerned that we'd be mad at her. That she'd embarrassed us, or maybe Ms Evil-Wannabe would bar us all from the LNBOE or something.

Instead, we bought her drinks, once we all stopped laughing.

And, besides: Mr. Evil was back! He, Mrs. Evil and Sir and Lady Jane were had all returned from their holidays last Sunday, and we were all looking forward to a kick-ass time at the LNBOE.

Except when we got there?

No Mr Evil. No Mrs Evil. No Lady Jane. Just the Evil-Wannabes (who are not married, or even dating, by the way).

We were extremely disappointed, to say the least. Warrior Woman apologized to Ms Evil-Wannabe, who wasn't angry, after all. Ms E-W also told her that it was nice of WW to watch out for her, but that she knew exactly what she was doing.

I have no doubt Ms E-W was cognizant of the fact that she was snogging the dude in the middle of the street, but that she knew exactly what she was doing? That she was getting it on with some creepy pervert who gets off on grabbing women's asses? I would hope not. And if she did?